just something for all of you cynics and realists to chew on:
"The dreamers are the saviors of the world. As the visible world is sustained by the invisible, so men, through all their trials and sins and sordid vocations, are nourished by the beautiful visions of their solitary dreamers. Humanity cannot forget its dreamers; it cannot let their ideals fade and die; it lives in them; it knows them as the realities which it shall one day see and know.
Composer, sculptor, painter, poet, prophet, sage, these are the makers of the after-world, the architects of heaven. The world is beautiful because they have lived; without them, laboring humanity would perish...
Cherish your visions; cherish your ideals; cherish the music that stirs in your heart, the beauty that forms in your mind, the loveliness that drapes your purest thoughts, for out of them will grow all delightful conditions, all heavenly environment; of these, if you but remain true to them, your world will at last be built.
To desire is to obtain; to aspire is to achieve. Shall man's basest desires receive the fullest measure of gratification, and his purest aspirations starve for lack of sustenance? Such is not the las: such a condition of things can never obtain" 'Ask and receive.'
Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your Vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your Ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.
The greatest achievement was at first and for a time a dream. The oak sleeps in the acorn; the bird waits in the egg; and in the highest vision of the soul a waking angel stirs. Dreams are the seedlings of realities."
-From As a Man Thinketh by James Allen
just something for all of you cynics and realists to chew on:
Posted by j. cross at 1:23 PM
So I went to a Hanson concert Saturday night....you know mmmbop Hanson. Well their fans used to be cute girls who loved a catchy tune...maybe a little bit obsessive, but everyone was a little obsessive during the boy band era. Well the crowd at the concert was out of control. Hanson fans are now 21 and older and able to drink.
Two blond girls were in front of us bouncing up and down the entire time, with hair in our business. One of the bouncing blonds had a huge purse that kept hitting one of my girls in the stomach. The other bouncing blond got in a pushing war with another one of my girls. Courtney says... "No one does that!"
Behind me was a wasted couple that were pretty much humping each other the entire time, except for when he would lift the girl up in the air. Her boobs, her knees, her hands, her whole body was pushing me and running into me for the entire show. The glare over the shoulder does not work with drunk people.
Some ladies to the left of us decided that it was their mission to guard the center of the floor so that no one could push their way through. They linked arms and planted their feet (these were not tiny women). If you left to get a drink or go to the bathroom there was no way of getting back in. These were the same women that knew every song to every Hanson song.
There was also the lady in the back of the venue that when Matt Wertz was opening she yelled "Get the f*** off the stage...we want Hanson!" Matt just said "well someone's angry," and the crowd continued to cheer and clap louder to make up for the yet again, drunk Hanson fan.
There were also some lighters and cell phones, awkward dancing fans, and the boyfriends that were dragged to a Hanson concert that stood with their arms crossed the entire time. But overall it was a great time after I recovered from the 3 hours of sleep and the aching feet.
Posted by j. cross at 12:34 PM
starbucks red cups came out today. another validation of my theory on the commencement of the Christmas season.
therefore...I set my Christmas ringtones today and watched love actually.
Posted by j. cross at 11:47 PM
yesterday I bought two peppermint mocha coffeemates. Christmas is coming.
I believe that the day after Halloween is the beginning of the Christmas season. I know...you may say, "it's too early" or "Christmas season doesn't start until after Thanksgiving." Well I beg to differ.
I used to think like you about 4 years ago, but when I came to Vanguard I found it essential to start the season early. Why? Because our Christmas break starts only two weeks after Thanksgiving, and that, I dare to say is not a long enough time to celebrate Christmas with all of my closest friends.
All to say, I want to celebrate the Christmas season with you, now, as long as I have you: Christmas music, peppermint mochas, White Christmas, and all. Please do not deprive me of my Christmas Joy!
Posted by j. cross at 12:47 AM
when we used to run around in the parking lot singing "you've lost that loving feeling."
when we would stay up laughing (and yelling out the window) until 2 in the morn.
when we would sleep in until noon.
when we went to golden spoon (instead of yogurtland) everyday.
when we went to Rob and Perry's starbucks because there wasn't a starbucks across the street.
when we played solitaire showdown.
when we were all in choir.
when we could steal each other's music on mytunes.
when we watched the o.c. every week.
when we used to do the other sister voice.
when we hung out on 5th floor of huntington.
when we would sing in the stairwell
when we watched the first 4 seasons of 24.
we had a great first year...now let's have a great last one!
(feel free to add your own remember the times...)
Posted by j. cross at 12:02 PM
My favorite quote from Jane Austen's Persuasion....Jane writes a conversation of the differences between men and women and their reflections on lost love.
No, no, it is not man's nature. I will not allow it to be more man's nature than woman's to be inconstant and forget those they do love, or have loved. I believe the reverse. I believe in a true analogy between our bodily frames and our mental; and that as our bodies are the strongest, so are our feelings; capable of bearing most rough usage, and riding out the heaviest weather.'
'Your feelings may be the strongest,' replied Anne, 'but the same spirit of analogy will authorise me to assert that ours are the more tender. Man is more robust than woman, but he is not longer-lived; which explains my view of the nature of their attachments. Nay, it would be too hard upon you, if it were otherwise. You have difficulties, and privations, and dangers enough to struggle with. You are always labouring and toiling, exposed to every risk and hardship. Your home, country, friends, all quitted. Neither time, nor health, nor life, to be called your own. It would be too hard indeed' (with a faltering voice) 'if woman's feelings were to be added to all this.'
'We shall never agree upon this question' --Captain Harville was beginning to say, when a slight noise called their attention to Captain Wentworth's hiterto perfectly quiet division of the room...
..."Well, Miss Elliot,' (lowering his voice) 'as I was saying, we shall never agree I suppose upon this point. No man and woman would, probably. But let me observe that all histories are against you, all stories, prose and verse. If I had such a memory as Benwick, I could bring you fifty quotations in a moment on my side of the argument, and I do not think I ever opened a book in my life which had not something to say upon woman's inconstancy. Songs and proverbs, all talk of woman's fickleness. But perhaps you will say, these were all written by men.'
'Perhaps I shall.--Yes, yes, if you please, no reference to examples in books. Men have had every advantage of us in telling their own story. Education has been theirs in so much higher a degree; the pen has been in their hands. I will not allow books to prove anything.'
'But how shall we prove any thing?'
'We never shall. We never can expect to prove any thing upon such a point. It is a difference of opinion which does not admit of proof. We each begin probably with a little bias towards our own sex, and upon that bias build every circumstance in favour of it which has occured within our own circle; many of which circumstances (perhaps those very cases which strike us the most) may be precisely such as cannot be brought forward without betraying a confidence, or in some respect saying what should not be said.'
'Ah!' cried Captain Harville, in a tone of strong feeling, 'if I could but make you comprehend what a man suffers when he takes a last look at his wife and children, and watches the boat that he has sent them off in, as long as it is in sight, and then turns away and says, "God knows whether we shall ever meet again!" And then, if I could convey to you the glow of his soul when he does see them again; when, coming back after a twelvemonth's absence perhaps, and obliged to put into another port, he calculates how soon it be possible to get them there, pretending to deceive himself, and saying, "They cannot be here till such a day," but all the while hoping for them twelve hours sooner, and seeing them arrive at last, as if Heaven had given them wings, by many hours sooner still! If I could explain to you all this, and all that a man can bear and do, and glories to do for the sake of these treasures of his existence! I speak, you know, only of such men as have hearts!' pressing his own with emotion.
'Oh!' cried Anne eagerly, 'I hope I do justice to all that is felt by you, and by those who resemble you. God forbid that I should undervalue the warm and faithful feelings of any of my fellow-creatures. I should deserve utter contempt if I dared to suppose that true attachment and constancy were known only by woman. No, I believe you capable of every thing great and good in your married lives. I believe you equal to every important exertion, and to every domestic forbearance, so long as--if I may be allowed the expression, so long as you have an object. I mean, while the woman you love lives, and lives for you.
All the privilege I claim for my own sex (it is not a very enviable one, you need not covet it) is that of loving longest, when existence or when hope is gone.'
Posted by j. cross at 12:07 PM
mafia brings out the worst in me.
I love to jump into every picture being taken.
I really love Float On by Modest Mouse.
windblown is not a good look for me.
my dance moves have gradually become weirder.
I'm not a grandma because I stayed up until 2:30am last night!
thanks to all my friends for a fun night last night!!!
Posted by j. cross at 1:08 PM
I missed my spanish conference course. I was studying and forgot.
I canceled a one-on-one with one of my girls and rescheduled it to next week because I had a doctor's appointment that I forgot about, and I get to the doctors and my appointment is for next week (the same time that I rescheduled my one-on-one to). I wasted gas and an hour of my day to have a sore arm from a flu shot that cost $25 that probably won't even help.
I have forgotten to text, call, and email my good friends back...I open up my phone and see the text or listen to the voicemail and I check my email inbox, and then I delete and space out and forget that people are trying to get a hold of me. I have no good reason.
I completely forgot about my one-on-one with Joel this morning and woke up a half hour later to my extremely loud alarm that had been going off for who knows how long. I have no excuse, I went to bed at 11:30pm and I have this one-on-one every week at the same time.
So I ask God to take control of my life and to bump me out of the way so that He can have complete control. This is not what I was expecting. I guess to give God control I have to be a complete mess...At least now I know God was listening.
(disclaimer: so if anyone plans something with me, I will probably forget that we planned it. I am not the same "on top of things Gma J" this week, I am completely out of control and flighty. So...just remind me a thousand times and take it up with God, cause I don't have control of it.)
Posted by j. cross at 10:57 AM
so there is this new thing called yearbookyourself.com. everyone is obsessed with it. out of nowhere people are yearbooking themselves and putting their pictures on facebook. some people have even created albums solely devoted to their own yearbookyourself pictures. even Carlos has dabbled in the yearbookyourself.com fad. I don't know where this craze came from, or who found out about yearbookyourself.com, but it is invading the facebook world. for a long time I stayed away. for a long time I tried to resist uploading my picture and planting my face on some old photo. but I gave in. I had to see what I would look like. but I will never post these pictures on facebook...they shall forever remain here. on my blog.
Posted by j. cross at 11:17 PM
One Tree Hill.
Miley Cyrus (Hannah Montana).
The Jonas Brothers
and more to come I'm sure.
Posted by j. cross at 9:31 AM
I have never found myself as joyful as I am now. I am truly blessed by the relationships that I have. I am able to be real with every one of my friends. I find that I have changed so much since freshman year, where I felt like I had to walk around on eggshells just to have friends, and now I have true friends. I thank the Lord everyday for blessing me with a true sense of friendship and community. How often do these kind of relationships come along? I can only be thankful that for this period of my life I am given the opportunity to have true community where I can be completely real. I will not take it for granted.
Posted by j. cross at 11:40 AM
one of my girls asked me why I blogged...and I said, "because it's fun." Yep that's about it. It's fun and why not?
Posted by j. cross at 9:52 PM
If it were socially acceptable I would...
never shave my legs
If I didn't own a mirror I would...
never pluck my eyebrows
If no one wore nail polish I would...
not paint my toes random colors
If I didn't pay thousands I would...
never wear my retainers
If Alaina didn't tell me that my feet were calloused I would...
never have used a pumas stone
If no one else wore earrings I would...
not stick those foreign objects in my ears
If I weren't in choir I would...
never wear make-up
If I didn't care about my hair I would...
never brush it
oh the things we do for beauty (and others).
Posted by j. cross at 10:46 PM
I love nothing more than a hot dog party. I mean who doesn't love a good hot dog. That's why I love labor day. I mean, I understand that we have labor day to honor all of our laborers and give them a break, but for me labor day is a time to eat hot dogs...so I did, I had two. And I loved it. Anyone that reads this should join me in a hot dog party sometime, because I love hot dogs.
Posted by j. cross at 11:26 AM
some are worth while, and some are so-so...here are my worth while memories:
spending many nights at VC with Alaina and Katie
reading Horton Hears a Who at Barnes and Noble after watching the movie at the $ theater
hot dog parties
making cookies and seeing double features with Katie
watching So You Think You Can Dance with my sister and Rachel
"pump up the jam"
singing on the day camp bus....I would list every song, but then my blog would take up the whole page
Jadaen and Alex's bee stings
oc fair cinnamon rolls
hugging al when she came and visited
fair parking and playing sardines at NMC
being called Nana
getting kicked off of Tower of Terror
Sneaking Sox into Dland
watching independence day on the forth of July
wanting to kill myself at the roller skating rink
Regis and Kelly
being carried around the pool by brandon and dan
eating a sack lunch every day
laughing so hard my stomach hurt
thanks to everyone that made my summer worth while!
Posted by j. cross at 4:52 PM
I don't know what that says, but it's something that I noticed."
All summer I have been wearing my wonderful camp t-shirt in the most flattering shade of red. I don't own red and I normally don't wear red, so I decided to buy some accessories to accompany my red shirt. Hence, my red aviators and red earrings.
Posted by j. cross at 7:51 PM
Posted by j. cross at 8:05 PM
I gave in. I got Crocs.
And I am going to rationalize for my self and for you:
-I am doing summer day camp and I need closed toe shoes...and I don't want tennis shoes
-They are lightweight and comfortable. perfect for my summer job
-They are the recycled ones and part of the soles united program...go green!
-They aren't an obnoxious color...they're khaki
-They are cheaper than rainbows
and I'm out of rationalizations....but don't judge me, you wish you were having a lightweight, comfy, carefree summer!
Posted by j. cross at 11:34 AM
I got glasses and contacts!! It was a little rough in the beginning...the whole touching my eye thing was hard, but I got the hang of it and now I can put those puppies in and take them out on the first try! It was all worth it because now I can officially see the street signs before I pass them. I can see the definition of the leaves on the trees. I can sit on the couch and read the tv guide from where I'm sitting. I can read subtitles. I can see! You know this whole glasses contacts thing is revolutionary.
Posted by j. cross at 11:30 AM
Posted by j. cross at 10:17 PM
it really should be a word, productivity is a word... so unproductivity, you just wait it's coming to a webster near you. It is the only word that begins to define my time at home thus far.
I have read two novels:
There's No Place Like Here, by Cecilia Ahern (the author of P.S. I love you). A sweet and charming story, easy to read, and it almost made me cry.
The Darcy Connection by Elizabeth Aston, a way to indulge in my Jane Austen period fantasies.
I have watched movie upon movie:
Knocked Up, worst movie of the year award.
Live Free Die Hard, "you have no idea who I am or what I am capable of"
Prince Caspian, I say better than the first except for the Regina Spektor song at the end, weird.
Astronaut Farmer, sweet but I would never watch it again, Billy Bob Thorton is hard to look at
Little Giants, a classic
In the Land of Women, better than I thought it would be
The Holiday, it was on a movie channel and I couldn't resist
and TV show upon TV show:
American Idol, congrats David Cook!
Grey's Anatomy, It's a soap opera I've decided, and I'm gonna watch it.
One Tree Hill, don't ask why
Regis and Kelly, my best friends. I just love them!
So You Think You Can Dance, It's back
LOST, it's gettin' crazy
Wildfire, who knew that show was still on
The Bachelorette, who knows if it will stick
Gilmore Girls, I haven't finish the 7th season yet
and the list goes on.
So if you're wondering what I have been up to...nothing productive. I have indulged in mediocre entertainment for the past week.
Posted by j. cross at 1:51 PM
crazy weather equals...
ridiculously hot weather for a few days (100's)
beautiful sunshine...great pool weather
torential downpour including rain and thunder, not to mention hail
ALL IN ONE WEEK! I have used every type of clothing from my wardrobe in order to accomodate this wacky weather.
Toto, I've got a feeling we're not in southern california anymore!
Posted by j. cross at 12:22 AM
I find I am missing all of my fellow vanguardians, and this song makes it a lot easier. thanks al.
"I'm a new soul, I came to this strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit bout how to give and take.
But since I came here, felt the joy and the fear
Finding myself making every possible mistake
la la la la
la la la la la la
la la la la la la
la la la la
la la la"
favorite new song sung by Yael Naim, however I prefer it sung by Alaina with her oh so endearing and strange voice
Posted by j. cross at 11:04 PM
Last night I went to church at Rock Harbor, and they have been doing this series on the Song of Solomon called Sex, Love, and God. Super cool and interesting since sex is rarely talked about in the church. Well I didn't go last week because I was at home unpacking boxes at my Mom's new condo...needless to say I was out of the loop this week...hence my story:
The message revolved around restoration and forgiveness all through God's presence in our lives. To symbolize God's presence there were chuppahs placed around the walls of the sanctuary and after taking communion and praying you could take a mini chuppah home to remember God's presence in your life this week. Sweet Idea...I want a mini chuppah to carry in my pocket. So I go take communion, give my tithe, pray, and then I look for the mini chuppah and on the ground I see these tiles. Well they looked like something I should pick up...I guess the mini chuppah can be a broken piece of tile. So I hold on to this tile for the rest of service, and in the car on the way home I realize my stupidity.
Chris and Dannae show me their mini chuppahs...which amazingly enough are little tiny pieces of white fabric. Huh? Why do I have a piece of broken tile? My friends start screaming and yelling that I have taken someone's brokenness...hold on what? apparently last week (when I was not there) everyone was supposed to pick up some broken tile and then this week they were supposed to lay it at the cross, symbolizing their brokenness. I picked up somebody's brokenness! So we decided to pray over it in the car, then we threw it out the window...I mean I can't hold on to someone else's brokenness.
All to say I didn't get my mini chuppah...
Posted by j. cross at 2:27 PM
So today I visited Target twice.
On my first trip my goal was to buy a gift for the girl that is taking over my floor for Catalina "Pass the Torch." I walked in knowing exactly what I wanted to buy for her...a candy dish, a journal, and some office supplies. Easier said than done. I spent at least an hour, walking around contemplating over prices, looking at items I did not need but thought that I did. I love to just walk around and look at all the pens. I try to figure out if I'm getting a good deal or if I'm going to be ripped off by Target. I can never make up my mind. I debated on whether or not I should get dry erase markers for the gift...they are so freakin' expensive (3.49). I picked up a few items, held on to them for the majority of my trip, eventually putting them down (as soon as I realized I was stupid for wanting them) right before I went to the cash register. All to say...I left with 2 journals, a pail from the dollar section I utilized as a candy dish, a Magnetic Magna Doodle, a Cherry Frost Icee, and a bag of popcorn. Don't ask.
My second trip was about 4 hours later after I put my entire gift together (which involved painting and mod podging and lots of just sitting there contemplating what I should do). Alaina wanted to go get gifts for her Pass the Torch as well! So I said, "Why Not?" We decided to go to the Target on Adams instead to see if they had a different journal that we both wanted (in the dollar spot). We spent about an hour and a half walking around looking at everything...and by everything, I mean we went to every single section in Target. I went to get one journal from the dollar spot and I walked away spending 55 dollars...what the? Let me list my buys for you: Sister Act/Sister Act 2 double feature, Grease/Grease 2 double feature, some fancy brown flip flops, life cereal, vanilla crunch granola, jello, and the journal.
Target and I have a love/hate relationship...it brings out my indecisiveness.
Posted by j. cross at 11:38 PM
Back in 7th grade when I had layer-less shoulder length hair, sparkling blue eyeshadow, a black miniskirt that I wore at least once a week, and platform black steve maddens...I loved Spice Girls!
Tonight some the RAs and I took a trip back in time and watched the wonder that is Spice World. (with Korean subtitles).
and we didn't finish it. somethings haven't changed. I still have a 10:30 bed time.
Posted by j. cross at 10:25 PM
- Summer by Karen Kingsbury
- If You Could See Me Now by Cecelia Ahern
- Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne
- The Color Purple by Alice Walker
- Walden by Henry David Thoreau
- Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell
- Big Boned by Meg Cabot
- Me and Mr. Darcy by Alexandra Potter
- Uncle Tom's Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe
- Short Stories by Nathaniel Hawthorne
- To Own a Dragon by Donald Miller
- Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe
- The Odyssey by Homer
- The Second Mrs. Darcy by Elizabeth Aston
- With Open Hands by Henry Nouwen
- Passing by Nella Larsen
- Butterfly's Way: Voices from the Haitian Dyaspora in the US
- Annie John by Jamaica Kincaid
- The Gangster We Are All Looking For by Le Thi Diem Thuy
- Sex God by Rob Bell
- Native Son by Richard Wright
- The Autobiography of Malcolm X
- Maru by Bessie Head
- Clear Light of Day by Anita Desai
- Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison
- Blue Like Jazz by Don Miller
- Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin
Posted by j. cross at 5:21 PM
so I went home today. watched beauty and the geek, one tree hill, and american idol (all to say, I am a few brain cells short). my house is sold and my parents are moving into their separate places...which will leave me with 4 homes: vu, mom's, dad's, gma's (unnecessary). so I packed boxes upon boxes of stuff that I'm not sure I want but I have to keep because I'm a freak who doesn't throw anything out. Boxes for storage and boxes for each of my homes...I have so much crap, and I need all of it (or so I think).
on my return to VU...I enjoyed a tasty dinner in my absent RD's house with al, da, kristin, BJ, and destiny's child. some living free and dying hard occurred while on duty while all members in the box browsed the internet aimlessly instead of engaging in more meaningful work.
we lived free.
Posted by j. cross at 8:43 PM
- The Nanny Diaries by Emma Mclaughlin and Nicola Kraus
- PS, I Love You by Cecelia Ahern
- Love, Rosie by Celcelia Ahern
- As Sure as the Dawn by Francine Rivers
- An Echo in the Darkness by Francine Rivers
- A Voice in the Wind by Francine Rivers
- Grace in Thine Eyes by Liz Curtis Higgs
- Whence Came a Prince by Liz Curtis Higgs
- Fair is the Rose by Liz Curtis Higgs
- A Thorn in my Heart by Liz Curtis HIggs
- Mr. Darcy's Story by Janet Aylmer
- The Second Mrs. Darcy by Elizabeth Aston
- Ever After by Karen Kinsbury
- Sunrise by Karen Kingsbury
- Forever by Karen Kingsbury
Posted by j. cross at 10:55 PM
I would like to beg you dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language.
Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer. - Rainer Maria Rilke
Posted by j. cross at 6:09 PM
I gave my girls a journal at the beginning of the year...here is what it holds.
This journal is for your journey. There are 100 blank pages from start to finish. Maybe the stories haven't happened yet. Maybe you can't find the words. All I ask is that you open up your heart, your mind and your life. There are some that would put this journal aside, scared of the emptiness it holds. There are some that wouldn't want to search through these blank pages to find what God has for them. But that's not you. There are times, there are moments when you can't find the words. When the climb seems too long, too hard. When all you see is a dirty window. When you get lost in the details, the waiting, in the unknown. And you think, "I can't do that." I hope and pray there is always someone who tells you that you can. That nothing is impossible, that you're never alone. Promise me something. Fill this journal with your story. It doesn't have to be perfect, there are no expectations. It doesn't have to fit the standards of others. That's why its YOUR story. Open your hearts. Take your pen. This is where your book begins....Unwritten.
My prayer is that through this year they have learned how to live with arms wide open.
I can't tell you how much I long for you to enter this wide-open, spacious life. We didn't fence you in. The smallness you feel comes from within you. Your lives aren't small, but you're living them in a small way. I'm speaking as plainly as I can and with great affection. Open up your lives. Live openly and expansively.
2 Corinthians 6:11-13
Posted by j. cross at 3:05 PM